Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Pickle Sandwich

Jane's really into pickle sandwiches for lunch lately. They're so yummy.

Here are the ingredients.

PICKLE (or two or three)
Bread (optional)
Roll (optional)
Lunch Meat (optional)
Cheese (optional)
Mustard (NO WAY)
Mayo (optional)

If you run out of pickles, no problem. Drink the pickle juice from the jar.

My kids are so weird.

Friday, September 18, 2015

Sometimes I feel like a responsible adult

I drive three different carpools.

I make dinner almost every night.

I tuck four bodies in bed.

I do things like clean toilets on occasion and wash bedding.

I like and eat green things.

I drink lots of water.

I do all these things without being told. I just do them because I'm a responsible adult. It's not really that hard.

But then some mornings I wake up and eat almost an entire bag of Doritos before breakfast.

And my status as "adult" is completely obliterated.

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Cosmic Forces

Yesterday I got a flat tire. I was driving home from the grocery store. The kids were eating corn dogs and drinking little cartons of chocolate milk. They were singing and dancing and probably yelling too. I can't quite remember. But I could tell something was wrong with the car. It sounded funny and wouldn't go faster than 25 miles per hour.

Like any good girl scout, I pulled over and checked for flat tires. It's like checking to see if something's plugged in. Like the only thing I know to check for. And bingo. I had a flat. It was the rear right tire.

I called Christian. He left work. We waited on the side of the road and the kids rolled down the window and yelled at cars to stop and help. Which was fine until the FED EX guy heard them and looked over at me. "What?" He asked with raised eyebrows. I looked up from doing something really important. Like trying to google how to change a flat tire. "Oh, we're fine." I smiled. He drove off.

Anyway. Christian took care of us. We switched cars and loaded up all the groceries and went home, leaving him on the side of the road with a wrench and a spare. The saint.

But the point is: this morning Jane had ballet. I have been loading the jogger in the car and taking Nell for a run while Jane's ballet-ing. It's about the only thing I have time for and it gives Nellie a chance to look for dogs. Which is basically her equivalent to Disneyland. Anyway, I was shoving it in the trunk of the car when I noticed the jogger had a flat tire.

The right rear tire.

Completely flat.

All this could only mean one thing:

The universe does not want me to exercise.

Alright, universe. You win.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

It's Gum, People

Since I have four small kids, I like to separate things into two categories: Big deals and small deals.

For example:

Dumping an entire 20 pound bag of flour on the floor: Small Deal

Dislocating your arm: Big Deal

Using every blanket in the house to make a fort that you never play in: Small Deal

Two year old locking herself in the car in the garage with three spare keys and cell phone: Big Deal

Dropping a roll of toilet paper in the toilet at least once a week: Small Deal

You get the idea.

I feel like we had an agreement, the kids and I, where I would look the other way when I found another roll of TP clogging the toilet and they promised to stay on the small deal side of the line.

But I tell you.

That line has been crossed.

And it's about gum. Gum is now a BIG deal.

A package of gum does not last in this house longer than 15 seconds. The kids can smell it out, I swear. I have hidden gum in every square foot of this home. Drawers, cupboards, shelves, cubbies, top of the fridge. Nothing is safe. It lasts seconds. SECONDS, PEOPLE!

Gum is no longer a small deal. Gum is a HUGE deal.

Take note.